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u/YouDoStupidWell 7h ago
Being homeless and addicted to drugs for like four years prior to a couple of years ago probably took 15 years off of my life.
That shit was like being in a warzone.
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u/No_Hedgehog9869 6h ago edited 6h ago
I second what you said, I was homeless, and never in a million years would I have ever expected to be living on the streets.
What people don’t understand who have never been homeless is the mental affect it has on someone. And as far as the drugs, when you’re around something for so long it’s hard to ignore it, that’s why I truly understand when people say “cocaine is one hell of a drug” because when you’re going through shit, and its accessible, it’s hard to stop. Luckily, I did in time, but the after effects were my teeth, and now trying to fix them is so expensive to the point where I simply get depressed because no pain is worst than tooth pain.
Many people may say things well like you deserve it, but when you’re homeless and don’t have support or a place to stay, you become incredibly desperate. I went from living in Orange County ( one of the most expensive places to live in America ) to being homeless in one of the poorest area’s in America. Needless to say, I ended up going to jail for a dumb crime, simply so I could have money, but looking back I always wish I could reverse coronavirus which led to me losing my job, car, and apartment.
I don’t wish being homeless on anyone. I hope everything has worked out for you, and if not I pray that the Lord sends you an Angel to help out. Trust me. I understand.
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u/Next-Honeydew4130 7h ago
Amazing you’re doing better??? I love when people recover!! Many dont. So this makes me happy 😊
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u/YouDoStupidWell 6h ago
Unfortunately the system in the USA at least makes it really hard to climb your way out of being homeless.
Even when I got sober, it was still a good year and a half or so before I was able to effectively get rehoused and reemployed.
It's really not as simple as "just get a job" especially when you're dealing with severe disabilities like I do.
So it really doesn't surprise me that so few people do make it when both the system is set up to keep people trapped, nobody else is helping them, and it would be difficult even if there was a better system to help.
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u/Honest_Living4858 5h ago
What would be one change in the system you would make that you think would create better results?
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u/YouDoStupidWell 4h ago
It's all privatized, and contracted out.
So what happens is the government throws money at cities and states and goes "FIX IT" but doesn't tell them how, and then the states don't tell anyone how and also just throw money at them and go "FIX IT".
SO what happens in 90% of cases is a bunch of corruption, wasted money, and homeless people basically being used by really awful shelters/other funded accomodations as cattle to farm money from.
So abuse and inadequate care is rampent as homeless people stop being viewed as people, and start being viewed as a business.
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u/Drelvion27 7h ago
Chronic stress
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u/Vibriocholerae_ 7h ago
It gave me weight gain, alopecia, sleep disturbance
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u/chicagostsunflowerco 6h ago
Same. Extreme stress led to burnout and I had alopecia, psoriasis, insomnia, and a host of other issues. Took a step back and reclaimed some time and I made big strides back to my old self. Had to get shots in my face to deal with the bald spots and some other meds for the psoriasis. Hope you're feeling better.
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u/SiagoBr 6h ago
The way stress wrecks your physical health is terrifying. People think it’s just a mental thing until your body literally starts breaking down.
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u/naturallysonny 7h ago
As a federal worker, in the last year and a half I've aged a ton. I grew my first grey hairs and my blood pressure went from low to high from stress, lol.
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u/Away_Palpitation_277 6h ago
Stress really is undefeated. It's wild how your body keeps the score even when you're trying to convince yourself you're "handling it fine."
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u/MonarchGrad2011 7h ago
Fellow federal worker. Orangeman stresses many of us out with the layoffs and threats of layoffs.
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u/TokiStark 7h ago
Ditto. Did most of a PhD project then learned how evil universities can be. Now I want nothing more to do with academia
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u/Apatschinn 6h ago
The number of PhD candidates that I know that have developed chronic illness (including a significant number of autoimmune diseases) during their studies is astronomical. Out of my own cohort in my department we had 2 people who developed Crohn's disease, 1 developed Lupus, 1 psoriasis, and 1 type 1 diabetes.
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u/TokiStark 6h ago
Pretty sure type 1 diabetes is genetic. But yeah the literal endless stress of it is overwhelming. Wake up, start thinking about what you're doing for the day while you shower. Respond to the endless emails. Teach, do whatever arbitrary thing your superisor thought of, try to fit in lab work accordingly. Keep going on the endless bereaucratic paperwork. Help the Honours students. Write 200 words for your dissertation. Maybe eat some noodles before bed because flicking on a kettle is all you can be fucked doing. Argue with your partner because they've just done the exact same crap in a different field all day. Go to bed. Do it again. For 3-4 years. You think there's weekends? Oh no no no. Those are days for catching up with everything you've fallen behind on and making stupid presentations which generally I enjoyed because showmanship is totally my thing. But you can only wow a group of 10 so many times
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u/Affectionate_Owl_625 5h ago
Type 1 is not completely genetic, you are actually more likely get type 2 with bad genetics. There has been more type 1 diagnoses overall and a lot in grown ups after corona virus. No one is saying its deffinetly related but makes me wonder.
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u/hartmanbrah 6h ago
It's actually kindof sad. Who knows how many decent researchers we lose to toxic academic culture each year. It's crazy how sane it looks from the outside too.
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u/escfantasy 6h ago
The amount of bullying complaints in my university is very sad—and no one really cares. The good people who really care are outliers, unsupported by a toxic system and network. The truth is I wouldn’t want any of my students to work at our university or any other, with the way they are run and operate at the moment.
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u/iamever 7h ago
You have any links or videos to watch to learn about this said evil? Would love to learn.
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u/TokiStark 6h ago
Oh I'll give details. It's Curtin University in Perth. They have a 3 story pressurized lab system where all the hydraulics to all the labs are connected. They can't maintain a safe pressure in the lower labs so they randomly get ventilated with sewer gas (hydrogen sulfide, super toxic, risk of near-instant death if the concentration is high enough) from the drains.
I tried so to get them to fix it because it kept getting worse and worse to the point that we were evacuating the lab daily.
So they came up with some bullshit excuse about how its just 'bad smells' according to their fucking PLUMBER. They closed all our hazard reports and didn't do a damn thing to fix it. There's going to be an explosion or a death there one day, and I'm going to be devastated for being right
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u/alonelystarchild 6h ago
Sounds like something the local news might like to hear.
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u/aotearovian 6h ago
Not to mention the local council and all the university’s funders and trustees / directors. Lotta liability if you get a letter and don’t look into it, especially if that letter is copied to the local newsdesks.
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u/8838SunTia 7h ago
That kind of exhaustion shows up long before the gray hairs do. I hope life has gotten a little gentler for you since then.
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u/Tennessee1977 6h ago
These past 10 years have destroyed me and I feel like they went by in the blink of an eye. COVID, two Trump terms, menopause, two of the most stressful soul-crushing jobs ever, and unemployment. I’ve started a new job, gotten on hormones, started therapy, and I’m hoping the next 10 years will be much better.
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u/RobbieAnalog 7h ago
Going through it currently. Feel like I have been drugged daily.
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u/Jinxybug 7h ago
Losing people too soon
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u/MoreRumpus 7h ago
Losing my dad changed everything about me. Physically, too - you can see a difference in pictures just a year apart. Stress and grief are brutal
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u/BestTastingFish 7h ago edited 6h ago
Yup - I’m afraid people won’t even recognize me after I finish my parent’s Estate and start getting back out and picking life back up. I’m 35, just lost Mom, Dad and both Grandmas. No other direct family left. Dad was first in November ‘23, Grandma 1 in April ‘24, job in December ‘24, Mom in February ‘25, Grandma 2 in October ‘25.
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u/captnfirepants 6h ago
Same. Last seven years with the same amount of losses. Don't recognize myself.
I'm sorry for your losses. 🫂217
u/Imperialvirtue 7h ago
When my Dad died, I basically went from 15 to 50.
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u/limitbreakse 7h ago
Same. I always looked young for my age but suddenly I looked my age. Wonder if there’s some physiological effect there. As a man, I felt I had to take the lead in my family and take care of my mom and siblings.
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u/Sierra-117- 7h ago
There absolutely is. There’s countless studies about the aging effects of stress, and grief is considered a major psychological stressor. It quite literally changes your cells.
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u/captnfirepants 6h ago
I got my first symptoms of lupus after my brother's funeral seven years ago. Four more deaths and I'm now permanently disabled. Life is too short.
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u/NotChat_GPT 6h ago
When my son died, I seemingly lost a lot of short term memory.
There are emails that I've responded to in the past week I have no recollection of.
I have meetings I don't remember agreeing to.
I tend to just forget words. I'll be having a conversation, and a basic word just deletes itself from my brain.
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u/readzalot1 5h ago
It sounds like you are new to this. You will gradually be able to cope again, but your life will never be the same.
Nor would you want it to be. His death has changed you because of your love.
My son died almost 12 years ago. Coming up to the anniversary of his death I go over and over his last days.
Having family who are willing to talk about him is very helpful in healing.
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u/3pinkasfloyd 4h ago
I lost my brother 14 years ago, and it completely changed who I am. I was only 19, and because I never really managed to process my grief, I still can’t talk about him with anyone. My mother handled it much better than I did, and I’m grateful to her for that. I wish I could talk about him the way he deserves to be talked about, but it still hurts too much. Reading what you wrote made me realize I never talk about him, and I act as if he never existed. I wish I could change that.
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u/readzalot1 3h ago
There are grief groups and grief counselling that could help you get to a better place.
I always feel that of we talk about my son and tell stories about what he did, then it shows his life mattered.
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u/3pinkasfloyd 3h ago
I think part of it is also because of the way I lost him. He died by suicide, and whenever I talk about him, I feel like that’s all people think about, or that they’ll ask intrusive, almost sensational questions. Maybe by talking about who he really was, I could change that. But I think if the circumstances had been different, maybe I wouldn’t have struggled with it this much.
Thank you for your suggestion.
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u/honestly_oopsiedaisy 5h ago
After my recent loss, my memory was also shot the first couple of weeks. I couldn’t really function at work because I couldn’t remember anything. I’m a month in and it has improved. I am sorry about your loss. I can’t imagine losing a child.
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u/Gageb95 6h ago
I lost my wife 3 days befor I turned 29. Im now a 31 year old dad of an 8 year old girl. I had to learn so much so, so fast.
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u/Personal_Soft_9533 5h ago
Gageb95 my wife died young when my daughter was 8 years of age. You will learn a lot. It goes fast. Make sure you stick to the high-road at all times. Family first. Lay down down a foundation of moral values and beliefs that your daughter sees day in and day out. As she gets to be a teenager this will help with peer pressure and navigation of choices. You are both learning how to heal after this profound loss. A memory book with lots of information and pictures. As your young daughter gets older she might want to re-visit stuff. Mom’s birthday, Mother’s Day any significant event celebrate together with cake, candles or something you create together. Your wife is always there in spirit. Most of all remember it goes fast. Treasure the moment. God Bless
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u/Gageb95 5h ago
My girl was only 5 when she lost her mom. But she knows who mommy is and spends so much time with my in-laws I've actually joked that it almost feels like I have split custody with them. My wife was their youngest and I make sure they see their youngest's baby girl as often as they can.
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u/kay_fitz21 7h ago
My parents dying young aged me in many ways, but also kept me young in other ways. Each day we have is a gift.
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u/ofeeleyah 6h ago
I know what you mean. Life suddenly became real again to me after years of going thru the motions. I had no choice but to be my rawest, most expressive self, plus I realized I didn’t know as much about reality as I thought I did. Sometimes there’s comfort in that.
My first gray hair from the year after my father died is taped to the sun visor in my car.
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u/The_Mighty_Thor1993 7h ago
Caregiving
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u/Long_Whole_8062 7h ago
Came here to say this. I was sole caregiver to my husband during a 13 year downhill battle with MS. It was the most emotionally exhausting period of my life. He passed away 7 years ago and I will never take health for granted again. He bore his illness with such grace, something I don’t think I could ever do.
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u/Pineapple-dancer 6h ago
My mom just turned 72 and she's been taking care of my brother who has kidney failure. She's a good mom
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u/SystemOfAFoopa 7h ago
Can second this. Been doing this for a decade and it’s done a number on my body and brain
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u/Funky_ButtLuvin 6h ago
There are published studies on the physical toll caregiving takes on your body. Physiologically it changes you. Whatever metrics you want to look at, you name it. Blood pressure, cholesterol, depression, even the telomeres on DNA get shorter. Take a moment to take care of yourself OP, it’s hard (I’m not going to listen to my own advice, but still).
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u/RChrisCoble 7h ago
The loss of my three kids then the later loss of my wife. Been a long road.
https://people.com/mom-brain-tumor-lost-3-kids-in-crash-triplets-lori-coble-dies-exclusive-11890477
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u/Centurion87 7h ago
Damn man. I can’t even imagine that. I hope you’re doing at least a little better.
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u/RChrisCoble 6h ago
Trying to keep the plates spinning as our 18yr old triplets head to colleges and such. Yesterday was my birthday, I did 7 loads of laundry. 😭
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u/GovernmentOpening254 6h ago
Happy clean clothes day?
I was not expecting to read something like that in response to this question. Oof x4
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u/RChrisCoble 6h ago
I gave myself the ‘caught up on laundry’ birthday present. 🎉
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u/Intrepid-Cherry8000 6h ago
Happy belated Birthday, Chris! You are a true warrior. I hope you were able to celebrate yesterday. I wish you all the best as you continue to support your family ❤️
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u/GoodOver5645 6h ago
Wow man, that’s more loss than anyone should have to go through. So sorry, and I hope you’re doing ok. It must be bittersweet thinking of the triplets leaving the nest.
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u/RChrisCoble 6h ago
Yeah I kinda feel that way about it as well. I’m doing just ok. Adjusting. Yeah one is going to SDSU the other CSU. I need to keep working. 😂
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u/what_is_happening_01 5h ago
Oh my word. I’m so sorry for all the pain and loss you’re endured.
Glioblastoma is something I wouldn’t wish on any person or family. Truly a terrible, terrible disease. You lose them multiple times before they truly ‘go’17
u/RChrisCoble 5h ago
That’s an apt description. Your grief is stretched out over the course of the disease.
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u/Interesting_Range435 4h ago
You are 100% a real living superman. My heart goes out to you and your children.
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u/plushbear 6h ago
I'm sorry that you have been going through this, Chris. I've had my own trials, but this is really intense.
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u/RChrisCoble 6h ago
I kinda hoped karma would give me a pass on future tragedies after the car accident but that didn’t pan out.
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u/PistolNoon 7h ago
My wife being sick
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u/Ok-folkie909 6h ago
Yes, my wife's stage 3 colon cancer was rough on me, but much worse on her. Fortunately she's survived 24 years past it!
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u/Organic-Bag-161 7h ago
Kids
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u/Exhausted_920 7h ago
Never had a grey/white hair until I had kids. I'm in my 40's with 4 kids and all my hair is either grey or white.
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u/Hour-Watch8988 7h ago
Kids
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u/Pure-Friend-8729 7h ago
You never stop worrying about your kids. Even when they are adults.
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u/Recent-Bowl-1393 7h ago
After you have kids, even when you have nothing to worry about, you are worried that you are not worrying about anything.
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u/Sweaty-Vinaigrettey 7h ago
Okay. Not having kids slows down time. Got it.
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u/Immediate_East_5052 7h ago
Honestly, everyone is different but after I had kids it felt like time slowed down. I basically live ground hog day every day. Love my kids but is has been a long 3 years 🤣
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u/DiligentGuitar246 6h ago
Negative. Having kids puts time on complete hold. That’s the problem. Time stops but we still age. I went from brown beard to mostly gray in like 3 years. Time moves sooo sloooww with young kids.
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u/tatsumakisempukyaku 7h ago
When I was 38/39 people kept thinking I was in my late 20s. 3 or 4 years later after kids, I have sunken eyes, beard suddenly greyed out I ended up shaving off my beard. I definitely look my age now.
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u/twisted-elephant 7h ago
Specifically teenagers and young adult kids. As babies, toddlers, and pre-teens they were amazing and wonderful. Then teen years and cell phones it all got ugly and moody and drama all the time. Aged me a good 20 years beyond my years. Then the oldest turned 21 and it was messy and stressful.
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u/nohippiesallowed420 7h ago
Yeah it truly never gets easier you just unlock a new challange mode as they enter different age groups.
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u/Upstairs-Space6781 7h ago
Definitely depression and getting out of shape.
I feel younger now than I did a year and half ago that's for sure
Being fufilled and being in shape I feel is what makes you feel your youngest. I'm working on that.
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u/Lizardk1 7h ago
My ex
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u/Leading_Register9034 7h ago
That and going through COVID was the worst experience of my life
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u/CalBearDDS 6h ago
I hate to say this but I absolutely loved covid bc I’m a home body and can’t stand most people.
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u/Next-Honeydew4130 7h ago
THIS ONE RIGHT HERE
A narcissist can take a decade off your life, easy.
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u/ItalianV4 7h ago
getting involved w the wrong people... there's warning signs but you stay in it because
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u/FarEase6445 7h ago
Chronic illness
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u/D4RKN 6h ago
4 chronic illnesses in my case, not counting the chronic depression and 2 neurodivergencies that are terrible by themselves.
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u/Practical-Ring4029 7h ago
Alcoholism, trauma and a narcissistic relationship
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u/ZakkCat 7h ago
A narcissist will age someone to death.
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u/ready_gi 6h ago
this should be higher up. i've survived two narcissistic parents and ex husband. i got chronic fatigue and complex cptsd as a reward!
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u/BigShitHouseMcTits 7h ago
Work.
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u/Honest_Living4858 5h ago
I'll say lots of work. Probably a 40-hour-a-week job that you love isn't too bad. But a job that you loathe for 60 hours a week is a struggle to recover from.
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u/HenryCrabgrass01 7h ago
Trauma. Just a constant barrage of Trauma which led to substance abuse, which led to poor decisions, which led to more Trauma.
Rinse and repeat.
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u/Dusty1257 7h ago
Night shift.
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u/Training-Ear-3159 6h ago
I’ve done night shift in the ER for the past 10 years got super burnt out and depressed. Just transitioned to day shift this week 🤞
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u/TangoDeltaFoxtrot 7h ago
Back injury that ruined my military career and also took away some of my most enjoyable hobbies. I was 27, it’s been 12 years and I still need help getting dressed some days.
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u/Lburnnnnz94 7h ago
I am so sorry. I was injured by a chiropractor at 28. I can never deadlift or do leg workouts the same again :( ❤️🩹
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u/Then_Huckleberry_626 7h ago
Going to prison because I was at fault in a fatal car accident.
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u/Pollyprim 7h ago
Watching my dad fight for his life in the hospital for 3 months. Then taking care of my mom for the past 5 1/2 years. I used to look young for my age, now I look old.
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u/whsthirtyfive 7h ago
We age with the damage, not with the years. Sometimes you get to pick your damage,
most times you don’t.
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u/BalanceActive9295 7h ago
Birthdays
Edit: It’s scientifically proven that people who have more birthdays age more
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u/ArrowNut7 7h ago
Losing a parent. It’s expected for grandparents to pass. But when a mother or father, it is just so damn weird they’re not on this planet anymore. Father passed right before Covid started. When it hit that first Father’s Day without him I cried and it was just a giant shock of this is the real world.
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u/Montaire 5h ago
The last lesson your parents teach you is how to live in a world without them.
Just like their parents taught them, going back in an unbroken chain
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u/Mmmwafflerunoff 7h ago
Losing both my adult siblings one to suicide 12 years ago today and the other 14 months later to fentanyl overdose. I was the eldest and parentified by abusive parents. It was like losing children and siblings.
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u/Nice-Weekend5458 7h ago
Burying my child
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u/AdventurousSalad7053 4h ago
Same. I was 45 when one of my children died suddenly. I soon had grey hair, went through menopause without even noticing, chipped a tooth, lost two toenails from clumsiness, thought I was having a heart attack, developed high blood pressure and PTSD. All while working full time and tending to my surviving kindergartener and middle schooler, depressed grieving spouse and grandparents who handled my daughter’s death worse than me. Loss of a child has been life altering both mentally and physically.
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u/Midnightchickover 7h ago
Work in general. Caused the most stress and mental health issues.
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u/Icooktoo 7h ago
No kidding. I had so much work anxiety I couldn’t sleep more than 3 hours a night. It was horrible. Retirement is glorious.
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u/Fridge885 7h ago
Working just to scrape by each month with no relief in the future.
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u/allusernamestaken1 7h ago
Medical residency. Life goes from pretty normal college type experience through medical school to suddenly you are an extremely valuable worker that no one really respects but everyone needs, and you nearly live at the hospitals. Crazy times.
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u/ATXbrownout 5h ago
No money.
I’ve never been rich but never had no money either. I have a whole family around me.
Got laid off, put ALL my money in purchasing a logistics business. It’s still crawling and I legit have no money and I’m surrounded by a family where everyone is making 6 figures and are lavish spenders.
Being around them and not having money is slowly killing me. My confidence is shot, my health is down and I’ve never been in a worse mental place.
Even though no one around has said a word yet but having to sell my stuff every week to afford a tank of gas is seriously messing with me as a human being.
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u/DingoJangle 6h ago
War, there are things that I will never unsee and took away any shred of young innocence away.
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u/HugoSalvia 7h ago
Grief and not being out to most of my family. There is a sort of exhaustion of the spirt that comes from losing a part of yourself in these ways.
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u/xxplosiv10 7h ago
Seen it with inlaws and others....Caring for aging parents. Especially if it's a memory disease. I saw it age my very fit and youthful mother-in-law 15 years in a matter of 2.
Taking care/looking after aging parents is something that you never really plan for in career or life visions
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u/Shartnado_1 5h ago
Living my whole life as a people pleaser and not the way I actually want to. It’s exhausting mentally and emotionally. So much time wasted…
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u/SirBostonBobbington 7h ago
My grandfather dying and the depression/lack of motivation/apathy that followed.
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u/cleverbutnotoverlyso 5h ago
Divorce and a job loss. Recovered from both. Now I’m ok with how I look.
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u/Mellow-Fell0w 7h ago
Grief